Green bug!!! Why does it replace the red one.

What is Love? Wikipedia defines love as "an abstract concept love usually refers to a strong, ineffable feeling towards another person." Shakespeare had his Romeo and Juliet. Is this love? The tragedy, the sacrifice. Eric Segal had Love Story. Is this love? The tragedy yet again. The sacrifice yet again. Scarlette O Hara and Rhett Butler. Is that true love? Or is love what happened between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. Or may be its Rekha in Mukader Ka Sikander or may be Hema Malini in Sholay. Wow.
I am a sucker for romance. I can watch anything that has romance in it. Read anything which has romance in it. I have cried my share of tears when I watched QSQT and read Pride and Prejudice at least a dozen times, hating that the book ends with Lizzy and Darcy getting married. No. No. I needed more reading. I am reading Gone with the Wind again. Love that Rhett.
Anyways, we have been bombarded with so many examples of love. I am a modern woman. Fell in love with Sudarshan 12 years ago. And loved him ever since. The most handsome guy I know (yeah, yeah, I lust after Dermott Mulroney or Saif every now and then). Sometimes, though I wonder what is love? Is it what I feel for Sudarshan. Should I love him like all the great lovers that I watched on TV or movies or read about. Is that practical? I want that. I want to love him like that. Want to be in a state of euphoria where nothing can replace the love, the sacrifice and the need to be in love. More than anything else I want him to love me like that. He will argue that he does. He will argue that I am the one and only. he will argue that I have the best legs. Hee hee hee (poor sucker). But then what are we looking for? If we have the love, are we looking for sacrifice? Yes. Yes. Yes. That s what we want. Thats what we believe shows that one person loves the other. THE SACRIFICE. After all, didnt all the heroes and heroines sacrifice something either for love or for their lovers. Will I believe that Sudarshan loves me only if he sacrifices something BIG for me? Am I ready to sacrifice something for him. AND this sacrifice should be completely unselfish, right? Whats a sacrifice that is selfish. Rhett would have frowned on me.
Well, what is this sacrifice? As per me, its the fact that Sudarshan is training for Leh Marathon and I am not. Why am I not? Both of cant. We have Suj. So thats my sacrifice. In the middle of love. Unfortunately, its not a true sacrifice for the one I love. Infact, its where the green bug comes in. I am so jealous. I want to be running. I want to be running in Nandi hills. But no. I am home because I need to baby sit. So I am jealous that he is running. I am supportive. Its not that I am not. but Ia m also very jealous. I want to be in Leh. Why are we making decisions as far as our family is concerned that will affect only me. Take the 10k for example. Bangalore was obsessed with it. But my body was not in B'lore obviously. Didn't it realize that the 10k was coming up. What ever. Suddenly had a few days when we thought I was pregnant. I thought what! but the 10K is just around the corner. Sudarshan thought wow! a baby. So cute to hold and love. Mars and Venus, I guess. Then came the 10K. My body was in a mess. It felt like I was running a full marathon. Finished in 1:06. I was so disappointed. Sudarshan did it in 59 mins. He had a goal and he achieved it. I should have been happy, right? Thats how Lizzy would have felt. But a small part of my was jealous. resented it. He was happy. I was not. He was not going through what I was going through. I resented that he had gotten away scot free and I was the one going through changes. Thats when the green bug bit again. Why does the green bug replace the red one. When I am so in love with someone, why am I resenting his happiness? Am I not in love like I should be? Or do the great books and movies not reflect true love. Love in all its glory. Love with all its sides. I wonder....Thats going to always be a mystery. I know however, that no one will be happier than I when he comes home with his Leh Marathon medal and meets all his running goals.

The Sound of Music-passing on the batton

Yesterday was a big day for me. I have always been a huge fan of The Sound of Music movie. Watched the movie many times. Infact, got Sudarshan totally hooked on it and he even sings the songs now. Anyways, back to yesterday. I was at work. My phone rings. Sujay tells me he has learnt a new song. It was "Do Re Me". I was engulfed in so many feelings. It was like i was passing on a batton. My son loving the same movie that I love. Was it the same as passing on a family tradition? An heirloom?
It was evening and Sujay wanted to watch the song. I had promised him that I would let him watch the song. He was fascinated. Who was Maria? Were they her children? He had so many questions. He hates movies but he was glued. we watched "Do RE Me" about 4 times, "So long Farewell" about 3 times. All other songs we watched at least once. It was a huge moment for me. It really felt like I was passing on a small part of myself to my son. I felt this weird closeness when he was sitting on my lap and we watched Maria console the children in the rain, when Leisel got her first kiss, the children fell into the lake and when the nuns were singing about Maria. What a moment!
I always wondered what I would do with a son. Can I play ball with him? Well, I suck. Can I play cricket? Well, I suck big time there too. Sudarshan, though is good. They share these really nice "father-son" moments. Talking about "what a shot" or "is that a good ball". I think sometimes, am I missing out. Oh god! why cant I play cricket. the whole country does. I am not a girly-girl, granted. I run and play. But its not the same as doing something with a four year old. Hence, I was all the more touched when we bonded over Sound of Music. Not sure if I can watch it three nights in a row but at this point I am not complaining. Thanks for a great Mommy Moment, SOM.