Another Mommy Moment

I am having a few mommy moments lately. Yesterday was a very strong mommy moment.

I am not sure if I consider myself ambitious. I know I like to be employed. Not sure why. Sorry to digress but I have always wondered....what is it about being employed. Do I love to work? Not sure. Do I love my job? Not sure. What does being employed mean to me? Is it a self empowerment? The power of earning money? I am not sure. I have never been deprived and if I stop working I dont think I will be deprived. Is it self confidence? Is it a snob appeal? I keep thinking on and off if I want to work. I am never sure. Many a times, I get tempted to call it quits. But I never do. I never know why. May be I need to be older, wiser, mature to actually analyse my feelings, sort out what being employed means to me and then make a decision. May be its only the case of grass being greener on the other side...
Which brings me back to my most recent mommy moment. Its a case of working mothers vs stay at home moms. Tuesday, I called in sick. I wasnt sick per se but had an infected eye. Had to visit the doctor. Suj had a cough. Had to take him to the doctor. Anyways, we wake up and since I was not rushing off to anywhere (read work), I was all set to brush Suj's teeth. He was so excited. "You are going to brush my teeth". "Wow". "You are going to mix my milk for me". "Wow". "You are going to give me a bath"."Wow". "I love you , mom" You are awesome. It was amazing. Is that all it takes to make my kid happy? I went and picked him up from school. We come home. Eat. Hug each other and snooze. What other way is there? We have rules in our house. Wanna sleep next to mom? Then hug and sleep. Luckily my baby is baby enough that he loves to hug. I am not sure how long that will last. Anyways, we wake up. Go and play on the swings. Play with mud and just run around like two children completely free. I am loving every moment. he is loving every moment.
I am having such a great day. I mean, I have this lovely child. He is a happy child who is happier one Tuesday in June because his mom is around. Doesnt that put things in perspective? Why do I leave this angel of mine at home, at day care and spend my day sitting in front of a laptop, gossiping in the coffee corner about how unfair my job is, cribbing about my manager or just discussing office politics when I can be having everyday like Tuesday and my son can be as happy every day as he was on Tuesday.
I am going to quit, I tell Sudarshan when he gets home. I had such a satisfying day. I feel so alive. I feel so great. I want to feel like this everyday. He just smiles and assures me that I am not made like that.After a week I will hate it. I will miss the social interactions, miss going to work. Hmmm...will I? Well, then, I postpone taking an early retirement. When we have another child, I say. may be then. He smiles again. We'll see then. You will still be happier going back to work, he says.
Who knows? Is it just a case of the grass being greener on the other side? I am not sure. But one day, I will find out. I hope thats not too far in the future. I dont want to spend my child's entire childhood finding out. Thats the sad part.